


Falling Apart

by Miranda_tries_their_best



Series: Lost and Found - Zombie AU [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, But Roman's got him, I'm working on getting them okay again I promise, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Logan can't handle emotions, Misplaced Anger, What else is new, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 13:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20976752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranda_tries_their_best/pseuds/Miranda_tries_their_best
Summary: "It's not your fault."Logan feels himself shatter at that because it is, it has to be. He can't deny it though, voice failing him as he keeps clinging on desperately to his only remaining friend. He's being far too loud, even while camped out in the forest but Roman doesn't try to quiet him even as Logan's cry's are only just barely muffled by the fabric of Roman's shirt.





	Falling Apart

Logan felt numb.

  
He always tried to shut down his emotions; to try and work more efficiently in situations of distress but this kind of numbness left him feeling empty and barely able to think.

  
Despite the weight that endlessly seemed to press down on him, he'd done everything he could think to do to keep himself moving, he had made a simple shelter, one of pine of twigs and pine branches. Despite having sleeping bags, Logan made sure to line the inside of the shelter with leaves so it would be less cold. He had sharpened pikes all around their little area and stabbed them into the ground to make a fence of spikes around them so undead would impale itself if they got close. The teen had made a small fire pit, dug nicely into the ground.

He'd taken stock of what they had since Patton had left with a few things.

  
_Patton wasn't carrying much._

  
The teenager sat on the ground beside his unconscious friend now that he'd run out of distractions. Roman's the only one still alive assuming his concussion wasn't worse then it seemed and he didn't die right beside him in his sleep.

  
There was a pain that shot through Logan's chest, making him watch his remaining friend as if each exhale would be the last movement from Roman he would see.

  
The boy with glasses tried not to be too pessimistic, Roman had already woken up several times and had even eaten! He was sure if he really tried that he could wake Roman up at that moment but Logan still hasn't told him about Patton.  
The logical teen didn't know if the other remembered what happened or just hadn't thought to ask in his dazed state.

  
God, for once in his life Logan wishes he had that ignorance. Even if Patton avoided the horde, Logan has known the cheerful boy since they were kids. He hating thinking it but he knew that Patton would die out there on his own. His friend wasn't incapable of survival by any means but Logan's seen the despair behind his oldest friends smile; Patton needed people to love, to rely on, and take care of, and Logan knew that there are way too many people in this world that would use that to destroy him.

* * *

  
_"She helped us as kids, you know?" Virgil's pale form was tucked in close to Logan's chest, all the logical teen could do was hold him and provide what warmth he could to the shaking teen as their other friends slept restlessly nearby. "Our parents sucked but she always invited us in to eat with her when my brother and I were locked out.  
_   
_"She said she would help us, we thought we could trust her but-" Virgil never felt so small to Logan despite being shorter, he was always fierce and protective but right now he was feverish and crying silently in Logan's arms. "Wh-What she did to my brother- Fuck, Lo. He was only nine."_

* * *

  
Patton with his big heart and open arms will be ripped apart out there.

  
He's never going to see his best friend again and the last thing he said to him was a wish for his death.

So many regrets filtered through his head, replaying their final moments together.

  
Why did Logan say that? What was he thinking? Patton was mourning their friend and Logan had been so cruel and said things he didn't mean and for what? Roman's hurt and Patton's going to die if he isn't dead already and Virgil's a corpse chained to a bed miles away.

  
A hand rests on Logan's shoulders but the teen didn't move, not caring in his wallowing. His face was sticky and wet from tears he refused to acknowledge and he could barely breathe, only able to suck in short breaths as his lungs failed him. He didn't care about whatever grabs him when he can't even see through the blur in his eyes.

  
"Hey, c'mon nerd. Look at me."

  
Logan's hands raise to cover his mouth as he shakes his head, muffling the ugly sobs that try to escape him. His glasses slip off his face as he curls in on himself, making himself as small as he could like that would somehow help keep him together like if maybe he squished himself down enough then he wouldn't fall apart.

He couldn't fall apart, he can't be seen like this, "It's okay, Logan." It's really not. "I'm still here."

  
The noise Logan makes in response is pathetic, something desperate and whiney vibrates through his throat. With a glance Logan can see Roman sitting up in his sleeping bag, looking at Logan with warm sad eyes.

  
Logan wants to punch him, wants to never see that stupid face again, looking too much like Patton did when Logan started failing his art class and Logan had started refusing to eat until he could figure out what he needed to do to pass. It started up a fit of deep anger that boiled under his skin like magma, making his skin crawl and feel too tight. "This- it's all your fault!" Logan lowered his hands to growl, glaring at the other teen through his tears. "Ha-how are you so stupid?!"

  
Roman only flinches slightly but doesn't defend himself, the dramatic teenager looks like he wanted to reach out for his friend but his hand freezes partway, pulling back as Logan continues to berate him.

  
"You- you absolute moron, can't watch your own fucking step! How many times did Virgil warn you?!" Logan shoves the others hand away as he gets to feet, fury fuels him, he's fuming, he feels on fire and about to boil over, he just wants to scream but his throat is too tight so he just spits out his words. "He's gone because of you! I lost him because of you! I'm never- you- You weren't even worth it! You're useless and- and- fuck..."

And just like that, all the anger is gone and he's dropped back down to his knees in front of the other teenager. "I-I'm sorry- I-" Logan's voice cracked as he immediately regretted everything, words, and actions.

  
Roman took this as his cue to finally move, reaching forward and gathering the sobbing boy in his arms and crushing him into a hug. "I know..." He finally speaks, hand raising up to brush his fingers through Logan's messy hair. "It's not your fault."

  
Logan feels himself shatter at that because it is, it has to be. He can't deny it though, voice failing him as he keeps clinging on desperately to his only remaining friend. He's being far too loud, even while camped out in the forest but Roman doesn't try to quiet him even as Logan's cry's are only just barely muffled by the fabric of Roman's shirt.

  
"I'm still here, Teach." His remaining friend promises him. "I'll do everything I can to stay here too."


End file.
